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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Doubting...


What if....

What if I can't do it. What if I can't be the Mommy my children know when the twins come. What if I can't be there at every moment.


Do I have what it takes for two wee ones? Do I have the physical and emotional strength to keep pressing forward? What will be left of me to give to them? Can I truly do this??


"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you..." John 14:18


Why should I doubt now, when I have been carried through much trial throughout my life.

Nothing has changed. Jesus Christ remains my Savior, my Healer, my Friend. My experiences have changed, but they always will. With all of the inconsistencies in life, there is one constant, and in Him I will trust.

To be honest with you, I don't know how it will all work out. When and how the twins will be born, when they'll come home with me, how we'll adjust to two newborns nursing, up at night and such. How my older girls will adjust, how their needs will be met, when I'll get to bond with them...

But I know that we will fall in love with these little babies that have caused our whole world to spin these past months--they will melt our hearts and remind us why life is better enjoyed living for what is right in front of you.


This new found conviction to be faith-filled goes to you, my two little loves.

6 comments:

Ann said...

I know you can do it, and the Lord knows it, too. That's why He gave them to you. :) He will definitely be with you every step of the way. :)

michelle manning said...

Oh Bob, I sure do love you. Thanks for sharing your testimony with us. I just know that you are going to be just fine, even with the struggles of life.

Do you remember Darrin (Stress Mngmnt) asking everyone who had made it through every hard thing that had come at them in their lives to raise their hand? And we all hesitated for a moment before realizing that since we were there, we had made it?! You will be sustained, I just feel it in my heart.

Anonymous said...

Because you are capable He is sending them to you. The marvelous thing is that the Lord always makes up for the difference...believe it or not, soon, very soon, you will be where I am...looking back and wondering where the past 10 years have gone. I love you so! Make sure you take time after they come for you...take time after they come for you and Bobby...you will be a better mommy for it. I am only 35 minutes away...u can pack them all up and take a vacation for a couple of hours here when ever you like...
My love and friendship, Lorrie

Annie Hawkins said...

I have the same monkey OJ. It is the best!!! I only have one. Accidentaly I bought 2 pairs of the same pant (one from the stoe and the other off the internet). I wonder if it is a sign that I will have twins some day. LOL You guys are great and your pictures are always so cute and perfect.

Durrant said...

You are such an incredible person, mom, wife, and friend! What an inspiring post! It is times like these that really test our faith. What an amazing blessing this will be for your family! Love and miss ya!

PS- Will you email me your new address? cryscaprice@hotmail.com. Thanks:)

Christine Mains said...

You are an amazing mother of 4 little wee one's. Thanks for sharing your testimony, I really needed to hear the scripture John 14:18 today, Thanks! I think we always feel doubt about ourselves as mothers/woman from time to time.

The bonds you will make with your 4 little girls will be greater than you'd ever imagined. When my twins were born, my world felt more overwhelming that anything I had ever felt in my life. Every day I just prayed, breathed, and did everything that was needed of me. My little Thomas was my angel. Having my little 17 month old with me was sometimes all that I needed to keep going every day. I know that Caroline and Johanna will do their best to find binkies, burp towels, and diapers for you, and will be sweet little mother's. They will grow an amazing bond together, and with the little babies. I remember you being so excited about your older girls having eachother when the twins were born. They will be the best of friends. If you need me to watch the older girls so you can sleep, please let me know. I'd love to. Sleep will be so precious when your up day and night with the twins. Love you girl.